When E's psychosis re-surfaced I did what a lot of people who have a loved one with a mental illness probably do: I googled the shit out of it. "Borderline Psychosis" "Haldol" "Schizoeffective Disorder Prognosis" "NAMI support group" "Late Onset Schizophrenia" "High functioning sever mental illness" The obsessive research went along with along crying in the bathroom at work, texting E a few dozen times a day trying not to ask if he was okay but doing it anyway and having some pretty horrific dreams. Most troubling to me was being unable to concentrate on anything longer than about six seconds and the constant adrenaline let down feeling that I had just narrowly avoided a car accident.
I knew I needed help wrapping my mind around everything and someone to vent my fears too. I got a reference for a therapist from a friend. I was super specific: I wanted someone who was comfortable with GLBT people and someone who knew more about psychotic disorders than me. That's when I started seeing Jennee, who I still see now.
For about 12 visits my insurance payed a small SMALL portion of my payment. As part of my insurance requirements I got an official diagnosis with a real live diagnosis code: Adjustment Disorder. So official. Now I've noticed it's changed to "Adjustment Disorder - Chronic" on my receipts. Hmmm. Well it does sound about right. On the list of the "common stressors" I think that "Unexpected catastrophes" would fit the bill for what kick all this a for-mentioned goggling off.
Now, I don' mean to get all wrapped up in some diagnosis debate - it got my insurance to cover some therapy so whatever - but my main question is, is my response all that abnormal? Are there people out there who would be dealing with this better? Well, maybe. But I'm not them.
-M
-M
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