Is This Gonna Totally Bum-Out Girls' Night?

Friday night I have plans to go hot tubing with two of my favorite girl friends. Sort of a 'girls' night' to catch up and relax and celebrate a birthday. I've know these two girls...(hmmm do they need fake names?) we'll call them Leah and Tessa...I've known Leah and Tessa for many years. They know and like E, and they know how sweet I am on him. I'm thinking I'll use this rare face to face time to tell them about E's mental illness. Just FYI I have E's permission and support on this - he's fine with me sharing it with my close friends.

E and I have been getting ready to start telling some of our friends what's going on especially since he's going to be taking leave from work. The question dodging I've been doing and feelings of in-authenticiy are really getting to me. And frankly, I need some extra hugs, so I'm wanting to get people in the know. Also, I don't want this to be a secret anymore. It's what's happening.

I'm really wanting to share this with my friends, and in my heart I know they'll be there for me. But I'm not quite sure how to really break this news...do I start with something short like: "so Eli has schizoaffective disorder" and then open the floor to questions? Tessa was a psych major so I think she'll know what that means, but Leah may need some explanation and "it's like schizophrenia but also with bi-polar disorder" really sounds like a fucking bummer. I don't want to freak them out, but at the same time, this is serious stuff. Not to mention the high probability that I may start to cry and make everything extra awkward by talking too much. The worst part is I know they'll be looking to me for a lead on how to approach things - if I'm too jokey and sarcastic (which I can do as a defense mechanism) it wont seem like genuine appeal for support that it is. If I totally melt down...well I just don't want to totally melt down.

For now I just think I need to convey three things to my girlfriends:

1 - I really need there support and understanding

2 - E is for sure sick - he will probably be ok, but things are going to be hard sometimes. And we may have a different definition of "ok" depending on the day.

3 - Ask any questions and don't feel awkward about it. I'd rather talk about stuff than have people make assumptions and it's tough to have to volunteer information all the time.

4 - Please don't let this totally bum out girls' night - one great way to support me is to just let me pretend for a bit like this isn't that huge of a deal, even if it is. And I really want to hear about this guy that Tessa is dating, he seem like a good one!

Next up, telling my sister and brother-in-law...that is a whole other posting.

-M